Letting Go
by Celeste Winters
Summary: She may have lost to jealousy but she will never let it rule her life. ( trigger warning: contains character death)
1. Letting Go

**Disclaimer:** all character names mentioned are all created by the brilliant mind of J.K Rowling, this is just a story plot that got stuck in my head and will never go away until I put it into writing. Hope you will like it.

PS. This is the first time I will write here in so I'm open for all reviews to this story and forgive me in advance for any incorrect spelling or word construction as English is not my first language.

Jealousy, an emotion which started and ended it all. The very emotion which broke Hermione Granger. She was smart and named "Brightest Witch of Her Age" but was often labeled a "Know It All" by her colleague and once proffesor Severus Snape. It had been 5 years since the war had ended, 5 years since she poured bottle after bottle of antivenin to the same professor who was laying helpless and assumed dead by Harry and Ron but she knew better and acted quickly after going back to the Shrieking Shack once Voldemort was vanquished. 5 years since the deaths and sacrifices was made. And within those years she was able to finish her N.e.w.t.s and apprenticeship with Minerva where she later received her mastery and teaching degree in transfiguration. She aimed and accomplished everything that she has aimed for in a short span of year and as she sat at the high table in front of all the students in Hogwarts, she thought everything was in her favor and she was satisfied but she thought wrong.

She felt proud of her accomplishments, but as the years gone by she should have known by now that there's still some things that are missing in her life which resulted for her melancholy and longing. She tried to fulfill that longing but then she realized that it cannot be found anywhere but to someone, and that's when the jealousy started to consume her.

Jealousy was never an emotion that she welcomes since she was a child. This emotion was never a good company to accommodate, usually irrelevant and only bring despair as her Mother adviced her before. This emotion was unbeknownst to her, even when the war had ended and all praises was given to Harry and she was tossed aside like an old rug, she did not mind. She never felt jealousy when Ron persuaded Lavender once again after she ended things with him when she realize that the love she has for him was only brotherly. This emotion was never natural to her that she knows, but why is she being consumed by this burning jealousy whenever she sees the man she loves happy.

Him; the reason this emotion is scorching within her and the reason why she feels incomplete. She remembered when she watched him woke up days later at the end of the war while she reads a book quietly beside him, as his eyes flutters open and saw those ebony orbs she felt a strong emotion she thought she felt before with Ron. She helped him recover, much to his annoyance but as the years went by they we're able to established a civilized ground with each other and became friends. Severus Snape, the man who took her heart away and the man who slowly turn her world around once again. By seeing him again after accepting her teaching position, was the time she realized she loved him, but even the Griffindor's courage was never enough to help her express this to him and because of that she remained silent and occluded this feelings.

Severus Snape; after resuming his role as Hogwarts Headmaster was the one who put her on top of the pedestal of achievements and success but for Hermione he was the man who is slowly taking her sanity. The man who held her heart without him knowing and slowly crushing it as he announced his incoming nuptials.

Now in front of her as her heart starts to break like porcelain, the crowd cheer with glee and happiness for the said headmaster and his beloved. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders and bright blue almond-shaped eyes.A woman who almost looked like his lost love if not for the blue orbs that sparkle with happiness instead of those green eyes that Harry Potter has. This woman is almost an embodiment of perfection like him in Hermione's eyes and that's how jealousy consumed her whole as three fundamental truths on that exact same time were revealed;

She let comfort took charge. She was so comfortable with the friendship that he had offered and marveled on it. She became so at ease with the fact that he is within her grasp and became so contented with this without contemplating on the after effects that may occur, she opened herself fully for him that she also offered her heart and not realizing that it will not be reciprocated the way she had hoped for.

She became naive of her desires, her ambition and set those all aside just to see him happy, she remembered when he first told her the news of his new found love, that was the day a Griffindor learned to be a Slytherin. Lies of elation has started and as her new found talent of being a silver-tongue flourished she then slowly became void of emotion.

She should had told him. She should have spoken the truth when Minerva told her to let go of her fears and tell him how she feels.She should have grabbed him and pour out her emotions in front of him and asked him to love her instead. But as she looked at her mentor and once head of house, all she even did was smile while hiding her tear-stained face.

Looking at the lovely couple had her heart breaking, she will never be able to have that look of satisfaction and love from him as much as she wants to. And as she looked at him, his raven hair that she used to touch while he was still recovering years before, his hooked but unique nose and the black pools that always captivates her, she knew she lost him. She wish she should have been oblivious, stopped any feelings from blooming years ago and should have never fell for his utter intelligence.

What she have is one-sided and will never be reciprocated, she lost her chance because she never learned to be cunning, to take the chance when she was still able to. Masking her emotions and trying not to break she stood up and joined the crowd in their celebration as tears finally fell from her eyes.

As she walk closer, it was the first time that she saw him glance at her direction and frowned, a deep furrow formed in his brow, which may be due to how she looked but was quickly erased as she muster a genuine smile in his direction. A smile of acceptance and resignation. He then glanced back to the woman who is now his future and Hermione took this as a sign to finally leave while she still can.

She lost her heart to him,that she won't deny as the strong winds above the Astronomy Tower greets her. She may have lost a battle from jealousy but she will never let it rule her. She will start to be truthful now, and she did as she let go of the towers rails while welcoming silent completion.


	2. Epilogue

**_a/n:_ as per request the epilogue...**

 **hope you like it.**

Grief, an emotion which buries within our soul, it lingers even when years had passed, it leaves an excruciating longing which is far worst than death itself and Headmaster Severus Snape knows this emotion to well. Standing in front of an ivory coloured headstone, heart constricting, and eyes welling unshed tears, Severus Snape welcomed grief once again. It's been a few years now since he lost her, a few years since his neglect resulted to suffering and a few years since Hermione Granger passed away. Looking at the intricate markings on the headstone and clutching an old worn out parchment, he surrendered to his memories, memories that he still view in the pensive just to find justification and a proper explanation.

He was acquainted to grief when he lost Lily's friendship after yelling that denouncing word that he now loathes, when his mother passed away after receiving endless suffering from his drunk father. Grief tighten its grip on him when Lily died which was also his fault for telling the prophecy to the once Dark Lord. His life was in whirlwind, that he is aware of and it seemed to calmed done after the war ended. He was surprised to see a pair of brown orbs staring at him in surprise when he awoke for the first time after suffering from Nagini's bite and it's owner became his lifeline then. He was indifferent at first to her motives that time, to why she waste her time for the likes of him, and quite intrigued why she exerted such effort for his welfare. As time passed they were able to form a friendship of sorts which he accepted with gratitude but he was foolish and oblivious not to know that during that time she had developed a deeper sentiment for him.

He remembered when he announced his nuptials, quite astonished when he met Olivia that he forgot to give regards to his surroundings. He was incognizant that his desire was actually insatiable that time as it already belongs to somebody else. He pushed thru with his decision to marry the embodiment of Lily Evans that he once loved, as a consolation for it was a marriage of convenience in fear that he would grow old without an heir and for he knew his desire was in vain and quite foolish. For him it was the best choice that he had made that time. But he was wrong...so wrong!.

He should have taken a good look on her then!, he should have noticed her pain while he holds somebody else!, he should not have been foolish enough to think that her smile was genuine happiness!, he should have run towards her instead and pour his heart out. He should have forgotten all those insecurities and gained some courage because if he did, he might not have lost her. But he didn't.

When a hysterical third year Ravenclaw ran with a pale and distress look on her face everyone became silent. It was at that moment his heart started hammering, and ran for dear life after hearing two words; **_"Professor Granger"._**

It was then that his world seemed to stop when a painting of macabre greeted him, a painting made of blood and the muse was Hermione herself. His legs felt numb as he fell to the ground, as he looked at her face he started to break. It was truly excruciating, her eyes were wide open directly looking at him, tear marks on her face and blood on her lips. He shouted at her and started to shake her lifeless body in hopes that this was all an illusion, that it was only a practical joke and she was still there trying to hide a laugh, but it was all in vain because she was lost forever. He then carried her to the infirmary, begged Poppy to revive the woman, he even went down on his knees in front of her but all the Healer could do was give him a sad and sympathetic look.

Her funeral was a blur to him that time due to intoxication to keep his heart numb, his nuptials entirely forgotten as he never left the confinements of his chambers and months after but Minerva never forgot to provide him details. A month after her headstone was placed which includes a message from his request, Minerva went inside the Headmaster's Office. Broken bottles was the first thing she noticed as she tried to look for him, eventually she was able to locate him behind his desk curled up like a child, totally different from his usual strong demeanor. The woman was crestfallen to see the man in such condition yet understanding as she knows how he felt. It was all a sudden for everyone, Professor Granger's passing was not what everyone anticipated and everyone was still in a state of shock. Everyone was at lost on what gave her a reason to simply let go of her life. She remembered how Mister Potter and Mister Wesley grieved muttering questions that she thought was never gonna be answered but earlier today all was cleared up. Letters were delivered carried by owls, the sender was Hermione herself. It was an explanation and an apology, it was a letter which expressed all unspoken emotion that she had keep all this years ago.

 _"She left an explanation Severus; an explanation which needs to be addressed, for you to finally have a proper closure"_ She mouthed but the man stayed in trance. Defeated, the parchment was left on his table instead as she starts to retreat.

He took him a almost a year to straighten himself once again, a year before he was able to mask his emotions once again and a year before he was able to look at the letter. And after reading the letter, was the only time that he was able to finally visit her grave. Question still lingers within him yet he knows that it will take sometime before it can be finally answered. He wished to follow her and he still do, but from her letter he still need to live his life and as a promise he would.

Conjuring a black rose, his hopes and prayers were left. While staring at the message on her headstone one last time. A message which forever will embedded on his mind.

 ** _"Loved, Forever and Always"_**


End file.
